Day 6: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?


Lack of Self Love.


There was a time in my life where I did not feel worthy of good.

I allowed my past to take hold of my present and went spiraling down into a dark pit.

The bondage of depression took a hold of me. Suicidal thoughts daily visited me. Pity, Shame, Loathing and Hopelessness constantly taunted me.

It was the darkest phase of my life, and although I did not know the Lord and I persecuted His name with my atheist beliefs, it was HE that delivered me.

In my darkest day, at my darkest hour, I cried out and asked why no one loved me and clearly I heard His voice …

“Because you don’t love yourself.”

That was the last day of my depression and I know it could have been the deliverance of my black pit entirely but I was too proud to admit that God had delivered me and I didn’t give myself to Him.

It was a momentary relief because I then went into a life of deceit, drunkenness and lust.

I became involved in my second abusive relationship. I was an exotic dancer for some time. I was arrested for a DUI.

And still…

I did not give up control and allowed Him to take over.

And still…

He continued to pursue me.


Then the day came where it all changed.

Something happened and I finally rose up to the alter call.

I was tired of it all. I was tired of doing things my way and messing up. I hated the cycle I kept finding myself in.

So I finally released.


He has taken control.

He has redeemed me.

Set me up on high.

Crowned me with favor.


I am no longer in the dark pit and nor will I ever be, because I know one thing to be true…

Light overcomes darkness and He is the Light that never dims.


<3 Ruby