Day 6: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
Lack of Self Love.
There was a time in my life where I did not feel worthy of good.
I allowed my past to take hold of my present and went spiraling down into a dark pit.
The bondage of depression took a hold of me. Suicidal thoughts daily visited me. Pity, Shame, Loathing and Hopelessness constantly taunted me.
It was the darkest phase of my life, and although I did not know the Lord and I persecuted His name with my atheist beliefs, it was HE that delivered me.
In my darkest day, at my darkest hour, I cried out and asked why no one loved me and clearly I heard His voice …
“Because you don’t love yourself.”
That was the last day of my depression and I know it could have been the deliverance of my black pit entirely but I was too proud to admit that God had delivered me and I didn’t give myself to Him.
It was a momentary relief because I then went into a life of deceit, drunkenness and lust.
I became involved in my second abusive relationship. I was an exotic dancer for some time. I was arrested for a DUI.
And still…
I did not give up control and allowed Him to take over.
And still…
He continued to pursue me.
Then the day came where it all changed.
Something happened and I finally rose up to the alter call.
I was tired of it all. I was tired of doing things my way and messing up. I hated the cycle I kept finding myself in.
So I finally released.
He has taken control.
He has redeemed me.
Set me up on high.
Crowned me with favor.
I am no longer in the dark pit and nor will I ever be, because I know one thing to be true…
Light overcomes darkness and He is the Light that never dims.
#JesusIsKing
<3 Ruby
