The hardest thing I have had to forgive in my life was my son’s father. I became pregnant as a teenager after my very first sexual encounter – yeah, I was that girl! The worse part of the whole experience was the reaction from my son’s father. When I told him, his first words were – “It’s not mine!”
All types of profanities came to my mouth but fell short behind my teeth as his words sank in and pierced me to my core. What? Really? Ok!! My response – “I’ll see you in court.”
While I calmly reacted to his blatant disrespect and utter immaturity to the situation at hand, I have to admit it really hurt me that he would respond this way. I didn’t want him to marry me, hell I was only 15. But I would have liked for him to take some responsibility for his role in what went down.
I held on to that anger and disappointment for years before I was able to forgive him and move on. One thing I never did was bad mouth him to my son and I always kept the door open for him to be involved in my son’s life. When I was finally able to forgive him, I let him know. During this experience I learned anger and bitterness will block your blessings. I forgave him for my own peace of mind, not because of anything he did or any amends he tried to make.
As I scroll through my memory rolodex to recall this incident in order to write this blog, I suddenly realize I never really took the time to process this experience to understand how it truly affected me. I know that my life came at me fast and furious and a lot of my life’s experiences came and went as a blimp on the screen because I didn’t have time to linger in the moment. It’s good to periodically reflect on life because it allows us to really get to know ourselves better. This writing has been therapeutic for me.